Today I was sitting in a work meeting and I felt a very light flutter in my lower abdomen. I actually felt a flutter a couple times today. Every time I looked down quickly, wondering if it was the baby or I was just imagining things. Whether or not I can feel the baby already is probably up for debate, although I felt Krew very early on for a first pregnancy (at 16 weeks 3 days) and you're supposed to feel your second child earlier than the first. So perhaps the flutter was the baby. Perhaps it was gas. Who knows.
Either way, the fluttering got me to thinking about the fact that there is a baby inside of me. Like, there is a BABY inside of me. This little itty-bitty curled-up 3.5-inch from head-to-butt baby, squirming all around. Kicking me and punching me. Possibly doing somersaults. All inside of my belly. So then I found myself just staring at my belly, trying to envision this baby that is, in fact, inside of me, right where I was looking. And suddenly I got some serious heebie-jeebies. Like I almost felt nauseous. The thought of a live, squirming human inside of me somehow flipped my cringe switch. I had to force myself to stop thinking about it because I could feel myself getting anxious. Is that just crazy??? Has any other pregnant woman felt this way?? I totally felt this way when I was pregnant with Krew, too. But it only lasted for a while, until I knew he'd grown a bit. Once I knew he was bigger, it didn't bother me anymore. So why is it that an itty-bitty baby in my belly freaks me out, but a larger-than-itty-bitty baby doesn't??
Maybe I'm just weird. Wouldn't be the first time I've been given that label.
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